


An unexpected (and slit-throated) guest

by Aloe_kun



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Anti's a lil shit, Aprons, Bad Puns, Blood and Injury, Cleaning, Coffee, Domestic, First Aid, Gen, God I wrote this so long ago, Sharing a drink, Threats, Wilfred only gets a brief mention, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-06 00:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15874620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aloe_kun/pseuds/Aloe_kun
Summary: Late at night, Dark finds his evening interrupted by a certain pest.





	An unexpected (and slit-throated) guest

Darkiplier had awoken late at night, not even long after falling asleep. The sky outside wasn't any lighter- if anything, it had gotten darker- and he was wide awake and alert. It seemed as if it would be one of those nights when he simply wouldn't sleep through. He supposed if he was awake, there was no point wasting his time.  
  
He picked up his suit from where it was neatly folded on the dresser, taking off his night clothes and dressing fairly quickly in his usual. He went downstairs from his bedroom, intending to make himself coffee, but was stopped in his tracks by something rather unexpected. He tilted his head slightly to the side.  
  
Antisepticeye was sprawled on one of his living room couches, hair a mess. His dear dog seemed mildly interested in his rival's appearance, sniffing the hand that dangled over the side of the seat, before losing the aforementioned interest and padding back over to her bed. Dark frowned. He didn't particularly feel like waking him, he would like to get his coffee _before_ dealing with his slit throated pest. He'd let the man wake up on his own, he decided as he went through to the kitchen, putting the kettle on to boil.

Anti turned in his sleep, groaning quietly.

Dark's uninvited guest hadn't turned up here entirely voluntarily, of course; he'd gotten into a scrap with a few other darktubers, and had needed somewhere to go afterwards where they wouldn't follow. And Dark's house was one place that Anti knew _nobody_ with half a brain would turn up univited.  
  
Well, almost nobody.  
  
He _had_ had a quick look around for some sort first aid kit when he arrived, but had swiftly given up, opting to crash on the Darktubers couch for now, and deal with any injuries in the morning.

Dark's gaze flickered over to the other upon hearing him, watching him as he moved. He didn't need to watch what his hands were doing - he had making his usual coffee down to a science at this point- and so could keep an eye on his 'guest'.

 After a while, Anti sleepily cracked open one lime-green eye, glancing around to get his bearings. He quickly remembered exactly where he was, relaxing a little once it registered that none of the darktubers from yesterday would be around; he just had to deal with Dark himself.  
  
Slowly, trying not to put too much weight on his aching arms, he sat up. Yawning and rolling his shoulders, he brought one hand up to rub at his eyes, smearing a little half-dried blood across his upper cheek, and looked over in Dark's generally direction. His eyes only half open, if even that, but he could hear the spoon clinking against the side of the other's mug occasionally, helping him narrow down his options as to where Dark might be.

 "...Mornin'." He mumbled, groggy. 

"Good morning." The ego replied curtly. 

Darkiplier narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as he poured the now boiled water into his cup. He looked the other up and down, frowning at the sight of blood. He wouldn't normally dislike such a sight, especially as it seemed the blood had mostly come from Anti, but it was far too likely it had gotten on his furniture.

"You're bleeding on my couch."

Anti glanced down, seeing that he had, in fact, left several bloodstains on the Darktuber's couch. He didn't particularly care about how dirty the piece of furniture might be, though he was glad that he'd kicked off his shoes before he f̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶s̶l̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶ passed out. It was one less thing that Dark could get on his back about.

He shrugged, still half asleep.

"Eh, it'll come out."

"Not easily."

Dark downed a substantial amount of his coffee, then put it to the side in favour of crossing his arms across his chest. It was irritating enough that the other had turned up unannounced, but the stains on his couch would be a pain to remove. He locked eyes with the darktuber in front of him.

"Now, I'm inclined to ask why you're here." He asked with a tilt of the head. 

"I needed a place t' lay low for the night. Pissed off a couple'a the other Darktuber's." Anti chuckled, one hand behind his neck. "Figured they'd be too scared to disturb ya." 

"And you weren't, I suppose. Not one of your finest ideas. I could kill you in an instant, if I were so inclined."

"You think you can scare me?" Anti growled. 

He went to stand, but his aching limbs refused to co-operate, and a sharp little hiss escaped him as he fell back down again.

 "Actually, yes." The ego replied without missing a beat. "If I _were_ to attack you, do you think you could defend yourself in your condition?" 

A superior smirk was on Dark's lips now as he kept his gaze fixed on the man before him. It was amusing- even in such a state, Anti still dared challenge him.

"Ah, fuck you! I could take ya!"

Anti managed to stand this time, teeth bared with a snarl on his lips as he locked eyes with Dark. His legs were probably cursing his name, aching and still tired from the amount of running he'd done last night; but he wasn't about to let Dark push him around so easy.

Dark strode into the room, smirk still firmly in place as he easily pushed the darktuber back down. He didn't plan on fighting him unless Anti _really_ insisted (which Dark doubted he would). It would be no fun with Anti in such a poor state, the fight would be over before it even had a chance to properly begin.

"Relax." He chuckled. "Hunting injured prey is hardly sporting, wouldn't you agree?" 

 Anti growled, struggling briefly.  
But then he laughed, an almost childish giggle; an "I know something you don't" kind of chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Dark's smirk fell ever so slightly, one eyebrow delicately raised.

"Didn't you say you didn't want your couch dirty?"

Darkiplier paused for a moment, then went back through to the kitchen, pulling a -thankfully red- towel from the rack.

"Stand back up for a moment, then." He sighed. 

Still giggling, Anti got to his feet, putting his hand on Dark's shoulder to steady himself slightly. Dark laid the towel down on part of the couch that _didn't_ have blood on it, brushing the darktuber's hand off of his shoulder.

"There." He huffed. 

"Say, could I stay here for a bit?" Anti slumped back down onto the couch, relieved that he could take the weight off his sore legs. "They might still be lookin' for me, heh." 

Dark hummed softly, thinking. He'd rather the other darktuber's stayed away from his little pest, he _was_ rather entertaining to fight.

"It wouldn't do to have a simple darktuber wannabe take you down." He finally decided. "You may stay, until you've recovered." 

"Not gonna lie, I was expectin you t' kick me out." Anti replied, slightly surprised. "Thanks, I guess." 

 "I have more class than _that_." The older of the two rolled his eyes. "Now, I'd like to get some bandages on you before you stain my couch even more than you have." 

He went through to the kitchen again, crouching down to check for the first aid kit he had. He didn't often have cause to use it, so couldn't quite remember exactly where he'd stowed it away.

"So, none of the other Egos around?" The pest questioned. "Or have ya got the place t' yourself?" 

"They don't come around very often." Came the simple reply. "So I'm the only one of us here at the moment." 

Dark furrowed his brow as he looked through another cupboard. He was _certain_ that he'd left the kit in there. Or was it the one to the right? Anti let out a little, short sigh. 

"Hmph, shame. I was kinda hopin' that Will'd be here." 

He rubbed at a bruise in his arm, digging his fingers in a little to see how bad it was.

"You shouldn't be hoping that, not the way he's been these last few weeks. He'd probably kill you." Dark finally found the box he'd been looking for, picking it up by the handle and carrying it over to put it next to the darktuber on the couch. "Will has been _particularly_ murderous as of late." 

"Heh. Maybe I'll pay him a visit once I'm patched up. Could be... Fun." 

Anti was still investigating his bruised arm, not paying too much attention to the man in front of him. 

"I wouldn't recommend that" The Darktuber took hold of the hand anti had been prodding his bruise with, pulling it away from the injury. "And stop that, you'll only make it worse." 

"Eh, how much worse could it get?" Anti huffed, not unlike a child that had been told to stop standing on the furniture. "So, you gonna stitch me up, or will I?" 

"That would depend on if you could fix yourself competently or not."

"...Yeah, you should probably do it."

Anti held out his left arm. He'd broken his fall with his hands and arms a lot, and they were littered with bruises and little cuts, along with a few deeper, longer cuts were he'd fallen onto glass. There was a splinter of glass embedded in his left palm, which he turned up so Dark could see it.

Dark sighed, rolling his eyes as he clicked open the box. Picking out a pair of tweezers, he held them delicately in his fingers, using them to take hold of the glass in Anti's palm and pulling it out in a single easy movement.

"Ah!" Anti snatched his hand away mere moments after the shard left his skin, hissing in pain. He glared at Dark. "A warnin' would've been nice!" 

"It's out now, so it doesn't matter."

Darkiplier pulled the other's hand back, opening a tub of antiseptic -he chuckled softly as he did- and began applying it to the various cuts and scrapes on the darktuber's arms.

Anti squirmed a little at the sting of the antiseptic, but the irony wasn't lost on him, either. He laughed a little too, but cut himself off with a pained hiss.

"Don't squirm, now." 

He dealt with the injuries on the other arm too, applying plasters wherever he judged they were necessary. It only took a few minutes. 

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" He asked. 

"Oh, yeah!" Anti perked up a little. "Now you mention it..." 

Anti tugged up his T-shirt to reveal a large, deep gash on his abdomen, still oozing blood a little. It was probably not too far off from damaging something important;

He'd certainly gotten lucky.

"There  _is_ this."

"Why didn't you tell me about that _earlier?"_

Dark frowned. He'd really have rathered take care of that sooner. Pulling the darktuber's shirt off over his head, he went back into the kit to look for the butterfly stitches he knew were in there.

"Eh, I forgot about it." Anti shrugged, one hand inspecting the gash, wanting to see just how deep it actually was.

"Don't poke at it."

Darkiplier spoke sternly, pushing the darktuber's hand away from the gash as he picked a few sterile wipes out of the box. Pulling one out the pack, he began to clean up the wound and the surrounding area.

"Hmph. You're no fun."

Anti picked at the edge of a bandaid on his wrist instead, watching Dark work with mild interest.

 Putting the dirtied wipe to the side, he picked up the butterfly stitches, applying them carefully. He had plenty of experience using them, and so could use them correctly and to great effect.

"What're those, anyway?"

 "Butterfly stitches."

 "Oh. I've never used em." Anti blinked a couple times. "I normally just use a needle 'n thread." 

 "They're far less painful." Dark assured. 

 As he applied the last few stitches, he couldn't help but give Anti a look of distaste. He wasn't a fan of needle and thread, avoiding the use of it whenever he could.

 "Heh. You afraid of needles or somethin'?" Anti picked at one of the stitches, and was surprised at how well they seemed to work.

 "I'm far from afraid of them, but I'd rather use something less crude when possible." He explained. "And stop picking at those, you'll pull them off." 

 Dark clicked the box back shut, putting it aside on the coffee table lest they need it again. 

 "Eh, whatever."

 Anti couldn't help but be a little skeptical of how well they would hold, but didn't complain.

 Dark stood, going back through to put the box back where it came from. He returned shortly, and looked Anti up and down briefly before looking away.

 "You can put your shirt back on now."

"Oh, yeah. Sure, I guess."

Anti pulled the bloodstained garment back over his head, tugging it down to cover the now-stitched up gash.

 The Darktuber looked down at his couch with a soft huff, frowning. He'd have to clean the blood off now, before it stained the furniture too badly. He went back through to his kitchen, looking through the cupboards for some kind of product to clean it off with.

 "Heh, what's got you so huffy?" 

Despite the painful protests of his legs, Anti sauntered through to the kitchen too. He peeked over Dark's shoulder to see into the cupboard.

 "I'm looking for something to clean up. You _did_ get blood on my couch, it'll stain if I don't clean it."

Picking some choice items out the cupboard and all but ignoring the closeness of the other darktuber, Dark took a step back. Closing the cupboard and holding the items in one hand, he picked up what would appear to be a large red cloth up from the counter as he went back through to the couch.

Anti watched him leave, leaning heavily on the countertop beneath his hands.

"Say, Dark?"

"What?" Dark looked up, having knelt down on the floor in front of the couch.

"You gonna finish yer coffee? Or can I have it?"

The darktuber hesitated for a second. Picking the red cloth up and unfolding it, he shrugged his shoulders.

"You may have it, if you really want."

Dark's reply had barely left his lips before Anti picked up the mug, downing the (now cold) contents in one go. Holding the mug in one hand, he turned to the other.

"Ey, where do I put this?" He asked. 

"In the sink."

The red cloth turned out to in fact be an apron, with the words 'kill the cook' tastefully emblazoned across the front in a bold black font. He hooked it over his head, and tied the strings around his waist.

Anti barely had time to put the mug in the sink before he started to laugh. His near-maniacal laughter was piercing and loud, and the darktuber fell to his knees, doubled over and positively  _cackling._

 _"Kill the cook?"_ He wheezed. 

"It was a gift from Wilfred." Dark gave Anti a disapproving glance, a hand on his hip.

"Sure he didn't mean for it t'be kiss?" Anti mimed nudging the other with his elbow, giggling. "Y-Y'know. Cos he's gay as fuck?" 

"I'm fairly certain he meant for it to say kill." Dark rolled his eyes. 

The darktuber picked up a brush, applying a cleaning cream and beginning to work it into the stains in small circular motions.

"Yeah, whatever." 

Anti wandered back through to the living room on achey legs. Now that Dark was busy, he was finding himself at a bit of a loose end.

"Don't hover like that." Dark said irritability. "Sit down somewhere." 

Dark continued working at the stains on the fabric, huffing softly. Anti really was a pest.

"I'm _not_ hovering." 

Giggling, Anti floated a couple of inches above the ground. He was surprised he hadn't thought of it earlier, with how sore he was.

" _Now_ I'm hovering!"

Dark glanced over, one eyebrow raised. It seemed he was recovering, and had more energy that before. That could only mean that he'd become even more of a pest. 

"...I forgot you could do that."

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooooo god this is old. Don't kill me


End file.
